Thursday 9 May 2024: Cosmos? A word…

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

I had a steady day yesterday alternating between study and editing. At the moment I’m throwing everything at the Halloween novella writing course because it cost me money. A lot of money. But I also have a responsibility to get the editing job done, so I’m alternating them in order to not get brain-fry. I’m struggling to concentrate on one thing for long, or even sitting for long in the same position.

The poet was on a business trip, which meant for the first time in my life I was literally on my own. It was very strange not having another creature in the house to feed or let out or pet. Never in my life have I been without a pet. I’m not being maudlin, it’s just strange.

The shingles is having a strange affect on me too. It’s really quite weird. I always thought people with shingles exaggerated the pain, but it really is painful, sore and uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. But it’s also very weird. For example, I can get a sudden sharp pain in my hip and it seems to come out of the heel of my foot in a twinge. Or I can press on my thigh and there’s a delayed response on my ankle bone.

It was a glorious day, though. So in between all the in between stuff I also put through several loads of washing and hung them out. Our rotary line needs staking properly as it keeps leaning one way or the other. But so long as the wet washing doesn’t dangle in the recently cut grass, it’s fine. At the end of the day I brought it all in and was disappointed that a couple of things were still damp at the edges.

This week I seem to be back in the vicious probate circle again. They’ve flagged *another* thing I feel we should have been warned about right at the start. Once again it feels as though they’re delaying paying us for as long as possible. I’ve been doing so much on this probate lark that it’s really impacted on my regular work. I’ve been so annoyed, and so frustrated, that I don’t have anything left in the tank for work.

But hey, it’s fine. Apparently. Especially as my work obviously isn’t as important as anyone else’s. Everyone else is too busy, even when I’m sick and grieving as well as working when I can. (And I’m not talking about the poet here – he’s great, as ever.) I wouldn’t mind if I was being paid what we’re paying these charlatans. But they’re being paid to do the work and to keep us out of legal strife. I’m not.

I had a late dinner (bread and marmalade and a packet of crisps), which meant I didn’t feel like my tea, which was a pizza. But I cooked it anyway, and I was really enjoying it when I realised there was something else rattling around my mouth. I spat it out and it was the crown from one of my back teeth.


And I couldn’t eat on the other side because I’m still getting used to having a massive gap and a single peg tooth over there.

It’s all making me very grumpy, and I’m feeling very stressed. I just want to lie down, curl up in a ball, and be left to go to sleep for a few weeks. And, quite clearly, I need a Very Stern Word with the Cosmos.

“Enough already! Go pick on someone else.”

Big breath. Onward.

4 thoughts on “Thursday 9 May 2024: Cosmos? A word…

  1. Your probate people are a nightmare. They want to take your money, not pay what’s owed you, but have you do the work. Hateful.

    Hope you get some rest soon.

  2. I can’t believe probate is taking so long. What a nightmare for you. I’m not surprised you feel the Cosmos is against you. You have a lot on your plate just now at a time when you’re feeling very low, for different reasons.
    Take your time and a good few deep breaths. Make a list! Or two!
    Lots of love

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